If It's Too Good To Be True, It Probably Isn't
by mysoxlike2party
Summary: Yamazaki  FINALLY AFTER GOD KNOWS HOW MANY YEARS HE'S BEEN ON THIS PLANET ALONE  get's himself a girlfriend. Nobody believes him though. Hell, I wouldn't either.


**Anime**: Gintama  
**Rating**: T  
**Warnings**: Sorry if someone seems OOC in here, I'm just a crazy fangirl.  
**Disclaimer**: Don't own Gintama, thank god!  
**Notes**: My 4th story to be published here.

* * *

"See you tomorrow, Yamazaki." Said Hijikata, opening his car door. It's been a long day and he was looking forward to his comfy king sized bed at home. His comfy king sized bed that he solely slept on. His comfy king sized bed that he solely slept on alone each night. His comfy king sized bed that he solely slept on alone each night that has more than enough room for one other person really. His comfy king sized bed that he solely slept on alone each night that has more than enough room for one other person really, and sometimes he gets scared at night because tree's branches scratch against his window on windy days. WHATEVER, this fic is not about Hijikata.

"U-Um, actually, Hijikata-san..." Stuttered out Yamazaki, "I was planning on using one of my personal days for tomorrow..." He clenched his teeth and braced himself for Hijikata's deathly response.

"You mean another day for badminton with your badminton club buddies?" Guessed Hijikata, switching on the ignition of his car.

"No, that's not it... surprisingly." Admitted Zaki. He looked around the parking lot, waiting for Hijikata's approval even though he kind of forgot to write a written notice to Hijikata 10 days prior.

"Why wasn't this in writing at least 10 days prior from tomorrow?" Asked Hijikata.

"Kinda last minute... eh heh heh."

The Vice Commander sighed. "I swear, if this is so you can go play badminton all day in the downtown tennis court—"

"It's not! It's just that my girlfriend is in town and she just notified me this afternoon and—"

"Just as I thought, another day of badminton. You know this fetish of yours is really starting to tick me off, not to mention you bring your fucking racket everyday to work, I still question why— wait what did you just say?" Babbled Hijikata, barely processing Yamazaki's response to his brain.

"My girlfriend... she's in town..."

Hijikata stared at him, wide eyed, pupils dilated as always. Then he burst out laughing.

"Wa hahahahahahaaa!"

Zaki just stared. He was a tad bit insulted. Just a tad though.

"You don't need to LIE to get your day off! I was gonna give it to you anyhow! But thanks for the laugh!" He closed his car door, still laughing. He drove across the parking lot, laughter which still can be heard. He put his right turn signal on, and drove out of the parking lot, still laughing.

* * *

The next morning Hijikata entered the Shinsengumi building, laughing still, but way less. He was stifling it a little, too. He just chuckled continuously as he began looking at the Shinsengumi reports for the day at his desk.

"What's so funny, Hiji?" Asked Kondou, entering the room.

"Oh, nothing..." He said with a huge smile on his face.

"C'mon! I'm in the mood for a good joke!"

"Okay, but I warned you! Don't come crying to me when you don't sleep a wink because you've been laughing all night non stop!"

"Is that why there are bags under your eyes, Hijikata?" Asked Koundou.

"Man, I didn't sleep at all. But it was a hilarious night!" Admitted Hiji. Koundou took a seat in front of Hijikata's desk.

"C'mon! Tell me!" He begged. Hijikata tried to contain another round of laughter, took a deep breath, then said, still giggling a bit, "Okay. Yamazaki asked me for another personal day yesterday."

"Did he give it to you in writing 10 days prior?" Kondou asked.

"No, that fool never reads our memos. Anyways, he gave me a reason that wasn't to go to a badminton convention, or a badminton club meeting, or to see the badminton tournaments, or nothing like that. It was..."

He paused, then said quickly, "He has a date with his _girlfriend_!"

Kondou busted out laughing in unison with Hijikata. In between his laughs, Hijikata managed to say, "A-And I told him! H-He didn't gotta LIE to get me to approve his dumb little badminton game!"

"Hee hee! He'll get a girlfriend when Otae finally agrees to be mine!" Hijikata stopped laughing and left Kondou to laugh on his own.

"That's sad, and you admitted it." Said Hijikata. Kondou stopped.

"Er, you're right. Dammit."

"Anyways," Began Hijikata, putting his feet on the table, "I let him go. I mean, one less day with that annoying kid by my side."

"Aw c'mon. He isn't that bad." Kondou defended.

Hijikata looked out his office window and spotted a black haired individual that looked oddly plain and familiar. Actually, it's a miracle he could spot him in that crowd of people. He's the last person you would spot.

"Hm, whats Zaki doing out there?" Said Hijikata to himself.

"Waiting on his imaginary girlfriend." Teased Kondou. Hijikata chuckled.

"But it actually does look like he's waiting for someone." He noted.

"I thought he went to play badminton." Said Kondou. Hijikata looked closer at the window.

"Yea, I thought so too." He frowned. "Kondou, I'll be back in 5."

_Was I to early? I hope not. I hope she doesn't think I'm so desperate that I come 30 minutes early to the date even though that is what I'm doing. _Thought Yamazaki. He looked around hesitantly. He saw many faces, but nobody looked like his girlfriend.

_Maybe she's here but can't find me because I blend in so much? Curse my plainness!_

"Yamazaki!" Shouted a familiar voice. Zaki turned towards the direction of his name and saw Hijikata walking his way.

"V-Vice Commander? What're you doing here?" He asked hesitantly.

"Oh. I just saw you outside my office window and decided to say hello. And then ask you what the hell you're doing out here."

"I told you, Hijikata-san, I'm waiting on my—"

Hijikata put his hand up and said, "D-Don't say it."

"But its—"

"ZIP IT." Barked Hijikata. His irritated face soon transformed into a smiling face. A face smiling from ear to ear. You can tell he was trying his best to not laugh. Yamazaki sighed.

"Well, if you'll excuse me Hijikata-san, I'll just be on my way." Zaki excused himself to the other side of town and left Hijikata to contain his buckets of laughter.

* * *

The next day Yamazaki made it to work early.

"Morning, Vice Commander." Greeted Zaki.

"Morning Yamazaki. So... how was your..." The Vice Commander repressed some more laughs, then managed to finish his sentence. "**Date.**"

"Good." Answered Zaki.

"So, where'd you take your... um... girlfriend? What's her name?" He asked.

"I took her to a movie. She'll only be in town for a week, so I'm trying to make the most of it. Her name's Anna." He replied. Hijikata couldn't believe it. He was playing alone and making up lies. He decided to play along too.

"Oh, how _**nice**_! How long you've been with her?" He asked, with just a **_slight_** hint of sarcasm.

"2 months."

"Oh, that's _**lovely**_!" He said so uncharacteristically. "_**Long distance relationship**_, huh?"

Zaki nodded. "She lives in Japan... just not in Edo."

"And she came all this way? How _**sweet**_!" He commented.

"If you're done pretending you care Vice Commander, I'm ready to hear my assignment for the day." Said Zaki, trying to change the subject.

"Oh but I _**do, my sweet Zaki**_!" Cooed Hijikata. "—Er, okay, that one sounded _**weird**_."

* * *

"...And then the fool kept telling me lies about his..." He finger quotes, "'_Girlfriend_.'"

Kondou rubbed his beard. "Interesting. Well, let him lie to himself. It does not really concern you much, Hiji."

"So? He's lying for reasons I do not understand."

"Just ask him why he's lying." Suggested Kondou. Hijikata rubbed his chin. Is that to straight forward? Should he beat around the bush? Or should he beat the shit out of the bush directly? Well Hijikata does enjoy beating the shit out of things.

"YO!" Hollered Hijikata, "No personal phone calls during work, Yamazaki!"

"It's my break, Vice Commander!" Hollered Yamazaki back. "Sorry Anna, my boss is being a—"

"I've had enough of your LIES!" Yelled Hijikata. "There is no girl on the other end of that line!"

"Why do you keep assuming I'm LYING!" Yelled Zaki. "YOU WANT PROOF?"

"PROOF? WHATAYA GONNA DO, PAY YOUR COUSIN TO BE YOUR _'GIRLFRIEND'_?"

"STOP USING _FINGER QOUTATIONS _OR _AIR QOUTES_, WHATEVER IT'S CALLED, WHEN SAYING THE WORD _GIRLFRIEND_!" Hollered Yamazaki.

"'_GIRLFRIEND_!'" Yelled Hijikata, cuing _finger quotations/air quotes_. I prefer _Finger-Quotations _myself.

"STOP IT!"

"'_GIRLFRIEND_'!"

* * *

After the fight he had with Hijikata, Yamazaki decided to try and avoid his Boss for a few days, which is kind of hard, because he sees him everyday. Only during the weekends was when Yamazaki could finally relax. Unfortunately, so does Hijikata.

"Thanks you sooooo much for taking me out on a date here, Hiji-kun. This place is like, really expensive and like, really nice." Said Hijikata's date for the week. He had grown sick of her and had decided to break up with her today. Hijikata figures when she hears the bad news, she won't be so mad because she's eating food worth more than her house.

"Yea, no problem."

The hostess directed them to a table. Hijikata looked around the room and again spotted someone he usually would not spot. It was Yamazaki, sitting on a table on the corner of the room. Hijikata couldn't believe it.

_The guy's pretending to have a date with an invisible girlfriend? How far will this kid go? _

"I'm gonna go to the washroom, I'll be back." He told his date.

"Not surprised." She scoffed, "It was probably all that mayonnaise you ate before this. 3 bottles can go down quick, huh Hiji-kun?"

Hijikata grimaced. Yet another girl who can't live with his simple habit. Another reason to break up with her. Plus he just wanted to leave as quick as he can because this restaurant was a smoke free zone.

Hijikata strolled over to Yamazaki's table. The spy looked up from his menu and greeted Hijikata.

"Oh... hello, Hijikata-san."

"Yea, hi." Hijikata looked at the empty chair on the other side of the table. "Dinner for one?"

"No... two. She's in the lady's room—"

"OH HOW **_CONVENIENT_**!" Interrupted Hijikata, "I come over here and she's in the freaking **_BATHROOM_**! Will she be in there for _**20 minutes**_?"

"Well, she does take a _**pretty long while **_in the washroom—"

"Oh, wow! Really? That's great! Guess I won't be able to **_meet her _**then!"

"Well—"

Zaki was interrupted again, but this time by his laughter. "You're not gonna give up are you? What are you trying to prove? Well, I'll prove something to you too! You see my date over there? The blond bombshell? I'm dumping her today! I don't _need_ a girlfriend, and you apparently need imaginary ones!" Hijikata walked back to his table, sat down and began talking to his blond bombshell of a date. Within seconds, she is blubbering and crying. Hijikata smiles like a physco, looks at Yamazaki, and gives him a thumbs up. Hijikata then puts money on the table, stands up and leaves. This has been indeed the craziest thing Hijikata has done thus far to Yamazaki.

"Sorry I took so long!"

Yamazaki turns his head to a cute looking girl.

"Nah, it's okay." Said Zaki.

"Did I miss anything?"

"Yea, actually. But it's better that you missed it."

* * *

Pretty short? Well this is all I could think of. Thanks for reading! *bows*


End file.
